i feel like a play toy that anyone can just play with. no one will ever take me seriously. nothing i ever say actually matters to anyone, they just brush it off "its just her lmao". i cant let go of people. maybe its my fault that i cant stand up for myself or do anything meaningful. did i do something wrong? why am i like this why are people like this. i just wanna be left alone in an infinite abyss of nothing, where no one can bother me and i cant bother anyone. i wanna be a ghost that no one can see. i want to be deleted from existence. i cant even make myself do something. my family pays for me to study but i cant even remember anything. i dont even know if im mentally ill anymore. i feel like everything im going thru rn isnt even real. like im making it up.